Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Self-Made Man: One Woman's Year Disguised as a Man Review

Self-Made Man: One Woman's Year Disguised as a Man
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What I enjoyed most about Self-Made Man was Vincent's insistance on putting herself in difficult situations. Being a woman passing yourself off as a man in bowling leagues, strip clubs, in a monestary, at a male-only retreat, as a salesman, and even dating, would be nerve-wracking to say the least. Had she not taken such risks, the book would have suffered quite a bit. As it is, it ranks right up there with Black Like Me in terms of its journalistic and analytical worth.
One might argue that Vincent concentrated too much on the extremes of male behavior and not enough on the work-a-day, average joe; however, such an argument would fail to grasp her reasons for delving so far into the margins of masculinity. Vincent's insistance on putting herself at the edge of the most personal, secretive, cloistered, and sometimes seedy male environments created the conflict and drama necessary to reveal men at their finest and weakest. The reactions of the men around her to the situations they found themselves in and her own observations about both those men and herself pinpoint and amplify the attitudes of those involved, both implied and expressed, in a way that observing the hum-drum of the "regular guy" would not.
I was often struck by how well Vincent's thoughts on the subject of men mirrored my own as a man. I was gratified that she was able to cull a sense of sympathy for the plight of men in the search for their masculinity.
One thing that struck me about Self-Made Man was Vincent's insistance on creating fairly intimate relationships with the people she was writing about. Every chapter contains reflections on her guilt at deceiving those subjects she had befriended along the way as well as an urge to reveal her gender to them, which she did in nearly every instance. To me, this pattern revealed more about the author than it did about the men and women she met. I got the feeling that Vincent was "coming out" to her subjects--as though she were playing out a bit of psycho-drama lingering from her days as a closeted lesbian.
In her chapter on dating in particular, I found her rationale for coming out to the women she had been "dating" as a bit self-serving, and really made me wonder at the state of mind the author was in to slingshot a gender study exercise into a chance at seducing an unsuspecting gal or two. In a way though, I could hardly blame Vincent. She was fulfilling two deep-seeded desires in one fell swoop: the need to confess and the need to get laid. A wonderful two-for-one, don't you think? Although, this chapter started to make me wonder at Norah's motives.
Often I thought Vincent was seeking intimacy and sympathy from her subjects and often it seemed inappropriate. I got the sense of a person in great need of acceptance and likewise that she was either consciously or unconsciously creating situations in which she would require forgiveness. To be sure, I can understand Vincent's guilt at deceiving the decent and kind folks she related to as Ned, but a simple apology and explanation in an afterword of the book would likely have sufficed. Yet, Vincent gravitated toward a series of dramatic confrontations with her subjects in what seemed to me to be bouts of self-flagellation. It felt like she was doing penance superficialy for her lying, and that more deeply than that, she was doing penance for her lesbianism. Still deeper, under the heaps of guilt Vincent piled on herself, was the search for approval.
These layers of psychological need made Vincent's views fascinating, but not always believable. Her hospitalization for a nervous episode at the end of the book speaks volumes about her mental state, but it does so in a way that undercuts her rationale for being hospitalized. In fact, it was in writing about herself that Vincent showed the greatest degree of obtuseness and obfuscation. It's unfortunate and quite understandable, but ultimately diminishes her credibility.
Still, when she concentrates on masculinity and men, Vincent is incisive and thoughtful to a great degree. I found much of the book illuminating, and I think that women in particular would gain a better perspective on men through this book.

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A journalist's provocative and spellbinding account of her eighteen months spent disguised as a man Norah Vincent became an instant media sensation with the publication of Self-Made Man, her take on just how hard it is to be a man, even in a man's world. Following in the tradition of John Howard Griffin (Black Like Me), Norah spent a year and a half disguised as her male alter ego, Ned, exploring what men are like when women aren't around. As Ned, she joins a bowling team, takes a high-octane sales job, goes on dates with women (and men), visits strip clubs, and even manages to infiltrate a monastery and a men's therapy group. At once thought- provoking and pure fun to read, Self-Made Man is a sympathetic and thrilling tour de force of immersion journalism.

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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Shortcuts to Bliss: The 50 Best Ways to Improve Relationships, Connect with Spirit & Make Your Dreams Come True Review

Shortcuts to Bliss: The 50 Best Ways to Improve Relationships, Connect with Spirit and Make Your Dreams Come True
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If you're tired of having to wade through pages of blah, blah, blah to find real nuggets of wisdom and useful tools for self empowerment, then this book is for you. Jonathan has done a wonderful job of distilling the wisdom from many self empowerment gurus and practices, and his own personal and professional experiences, to present outstandingly easy to use and powerful tools for success and happiness. All this in a book that's short, sweet, and enjoyable to read. Its my choice as the best self-help book to give friends and family as we enter the new millenium.

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Bestselling author Jonathan Robinson gives readers the 50 best ways to improve relationships, connect to spirit, and make their dreams come true. "Shortcuts to Bliss" teaches the "inner technology" needed for happier, more meaningful lives.

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Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Searching for Paradise in Parker, PA Review

Searching for Paradise in Parker, PA
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SEARCHING FOR PARADISE in Parker, Pa by Kris Radish
Rating **** (4/5 Stars)
June 28, 2008Addy and Lucky Lipton have been married for nearly 30 years. And neither can say they are really happy. Addy is going crazy, angry at all the junk Lucky has collected over the years and has accumulated in the garage. She calls it the "kingdom of krap". She doesn't feel a connection to him at all, and is on the verge of kicking him out.
When Lucky wins a trip to Costa Rica and asks Addy to go with him, they are both secretly hoping that this may revive their sinking marriage. But that morning as they are about to head on out, Lucky hurts his back so badly that he becomes bedridden and needs Addy to help him with the smallest of things. Addy is angry and frustrated, does not want to even deal with him anymore, can't even face him in the mornings, and decides she needs to make a change in her life.
With the help of her best friend and sister Hell (short for Helen) and their friends known as the "Sweat-Hers", a group of gals that all work out together, Addy makes some changes in her life and makes demands upon her husband. But it's not only Addy that produces some changes. It looks like the entire town is in on the act!
While Addy goes on her crusade to create a life that is a little more livable, a paradise in Parker, Lucky becomes closer to next door neighbor Bob. (He's Bob #1; the other neighbor on the other side is Bob #2). Bob has been divorced for some time and has gone through some drastic changes himself. With Bob's help, Lucky makes some of his own drastic revisions to his lifestyle, which will shock the hell out of the ladies of Parker, Pa, if not just Addy Lipton. The two men begin to "talk", unlike any conversations ever held between two men who are not gay. They start cooking lessons, dress a lot nicer, get their hair and nails done and basically, Lucky becomes a new man. And while this is all going on, Addy is busy with her female friends, wanting desperately to start a new life, because she feels that no matter what Lucky says or does to win her back, she is done with him. She's ready to move on.
SEARCHING FOR PARADISE was my introduction to author Kris Radish, and I am hooked! Her writing style reminded me in part of one of my favorite authors, Lorna Landvik. They have the same type of quirky characters living in a small town, with that same feel that I get from Landvik novels. All the characters are fun and unique and likable. The pace of the book is fast; there is a lot of humor despite the downer theme of a marriage on the rocks.
One major subplot includes Addy and Lucky's son's search for his biological mother, which compounds upon Addy's stress while she deals with her failing marriage. It also adds another dimension to the overall story, and demonstrates how far from perfect Addy's life has become. Not only is she dealing with the future meeting of her son's birth mother, but also a bedridden husband and a possible divorce. Frankly, she cannot wait to get rid of him! She can no longer stand to be in the same room with him.
The friendships that Addy shares with her sister Hell and all the other "sweat-hers" leaves a warm and fuzzy feeling. The feeling isn't overly sugary sweet, but I felt it was just the right amount that made me want to be a part of their group, to be one of them.
I can't say enough about SEARCHING FOR PARADISE, a very fun and enjoyable read that I think may be one of my favorite reads in 2008. Addy's search for a paradise leads her to a possible new future, with the whole town routing for her. While I wasn't sure whether sometimes she may have been a little unfair to Lucky, it is hard not to cheer her on, making every page up to the very last worth reading. - Courtesy of LoveRomances And More - M Lofton

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